If you’ve ever smoked or otherwise consumed marijuana, or have at least watched various movies featuring marijuana (if you’re merely catching a glimpse into the world of pot), you may or may not know that there are many, many different strains. Some even have such bizarre and funny names, you’d think you’re in a grown-up version of the “Harry Potter” flicks—only instead of eating “Bertie Botts’ Every Flavor Beans” (with names such as “spinach,” “liver” and “tripe”), you’re smoking strains of marijuana with names the likes of which even Ms. Rowling couldn’t imagine.
Yet the highs you get off some of these strains are so wild you might as well be imagining yourself flying high on a broomstick playing Quidditch and riding on the Hogwarts Express! All aboard, right? Right.
So here are a few of the truly wild and wacky strains that will cast a spell on you, making you laugh, giggle—and potentially give you a most wizardly case of the munchies to the point of wishing you had a big Hogwarts food feast in front of you.
1. Alien Asshat
While this might conjure an image of one of those freaky-looking, invasive grey aliens, complete with a probe going you-know-where, this strain actually provides a high that’s pretty euphoric, thanks to this hybrid strain’s high THC content. Beginning weed smokers might want to only travel to the next planet over with a small dose of this blend, instead of shooting for the Eagle Nebula.
2. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Alien
If you’re looking for a weird-sounding name, but a fantastic high that helps with assisting you to the Dreamworld, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Alien” just might be the near-shamanic strain for you. Instead of this being strictly a sativa strain, it’s based on an indica-hybrid blend. Even its strain parents, “Tiger’s Milk” and “Starfighter” sound pretty weird-yet-Zen. This is a perfect blend for those who struggle with insomnia but don’t want the potential of being hooked on sleeping pills in order to take a ride to the stars. Oh, and forget the enchanted harp on the verboten third floor of Hogwarts: this strain would be excellent for putting “Fluffy” (the three-headed dog guarding the Sorcerer’s Stone) to sleep while you play a big chess game and battle Voldemort.
3. Electric Kool-Aid
Sorry kids, but “kool-aid” is for grown-ups. Electric Kool-Aid that is. Forget the famous anthropomorphic “Kool-Aid” man busting through a wall going “oh yeah!” He’s kicking back saying the same thing—only way slower, way more more mellow, and his word choice might even extend beyond those two famous words, as this 60/40 sativa hybrid strain tends to heighten the user’s creative “juices” so to speak. And back to the Kool-Aid man being mellow: “Electric Kool-Aid” has a tendency to be really good for those who are stressing out or are experiencing depression. After all, who can be depressed if you’re drinking something that sounds like a neon sign paired with a favorite drink from your childhood? Now all that remains is creating a strain called “Pumpkin Juice” or “Butter-beer.” Mmm, cozy.
4. Hippie Chicken
While this conjures up images of a common poultry bird with tie-dyed feathers and love beads and peace signs hanging around its neck—and a joint hanging out of its beak—this sativa-based strain is closer to being a psychedelic, euphoric blueberry jamming at Woodstock and honoring its elders in a Solstice ritual.
Why? Because “Hippie Chicken” is the love child of the well-known sativa strain from the ’70s, called “Alaskan Thunder Fuck,” and a laid-back Indica strain with the very hippie-like name of “Blueberry.” How and why the word “chicken” entered into the conversation is anyone’s guess, but given the giggly, relaxed silliness that comes of smoking either of “Hippie Chicken’s” parents, logic and reason were clearly not guests at the love-and-light creativity rave. Is it lost on anyone that this might be Luna Lovegood’s strain of choice? No. No it’s not.
5. Hog’s Breath
This name sounds specifically like it would be crafted for the more laid-back grownups of Harry Potter’s world, not the least of which would be the Weasley kids’ father, Arthur. Imagine also a Muggle-born wizard smuggling this into Hogwarts as well. Fitting name, yes?
The creative bent that this strain can give you might also be Fred and George’s favorite source of sativa-induced productivity. Add to this the notion of putting some of this strain in Crabbe and Goyle’s cupcakes and then watch them forget to bow down to Draco. Because after all, “Hog’s Breath” has some seriously high THC content–and let’s face it: that pair always seemed to be eating. They might as well have been taking a few hits off a wizardly bong to have the munchies that bad.
Cannabis sativa just by itself is pretty darn magical, but the names given some of the strains and hybrids out there are worthy of being placed on Albus Dumbledore’s shelves. And if you clearly imagined all this in your mind’s eye as you were reading, you clearly have been smoking some really cosmic stuff indeed.